Tuesday, September 6, 2011

You've Been Warned.

Today I want to cry.
Why? Well, life would be a whole lot simpler if I knew the answer to that question, now wouldn't it? And after I feel like i want to cry for 2 minutes, then I want to hit someone's face for making a weird little noise while they eat their breakfast. And that feeling makes me feel like a mean bad person, which makes me want to cry again. And then this cycle wears me out emotionally, which wears me out physically (not sure how that one works, but it manages to work, AND WELL), then I want to just sit or lie around and eat junk food. Which makes me feel bad about myself, which makes me want to cry. See how this works. It's awesome being a woman. It's amazing, really.
At least I've finally learned to accept that when I start to feel this way I should take everything with not a grain, but an atom from the molecules that make up a single grain of salt. And I also wear a large sign around my neck that says, "Do not speak to me unless you'd like to be eaten. In fact, do not look at me unless you'd like to be eaten." That way, we're all good. We're all cool. And no one has a right to get mad at me. You can't say I didn't warn you. All's fair in love and war when you wear a sign.

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